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👑 Do We Know This Diva?? 4 Fascinating Femmes We Moved On From Too Quickly

Quinn | Unreal Seasons 1-3

Memorable Quote: “Be your own woman, not somebody’s else bitch.”

On my list of “shows that molded my personality and feminist politics at an early age“, UnReal sits comfortably near the top. It landed right in the sweet spot of my burgeoning collegiate obsession with the social conditions for liberation, so of course I was drawn to a deep dive into the forces that manufacture mayhem, distrust, and unsustainable intimacy.

UnReal arrived at a moment when former Bachelor contestants were starting to lift the curtain on just how Stanford Prison Experiment-adjacent their reality TV experience really was. And fittingly, the show was created by a Bachelor alum herself. At its core was Quinn King—played to unhinged perfection by Constance Zimmer—who sat at the helm of this emotional abuse empire as the executive producer of Everlasting, the Bachelor-adjacent dating show within the show.

Quinn heard gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss and sprinted a marathon with that shit. With her hands-on leadership style (see also: “do what I say, meat puppet”) and a razor-sharp eye for the demented, Quinn turned every moment into an opportunity for character development on-screen and off. She was the master of manufacturing drama, the ultimate architect of controlled chaos, and an icon of toxic efficiency.

Britney Haynes | Big Brother Seasons 12 & 14, Traitors Season 3

Memorable Quote: “Here, Have An Apple Pie… Made Of Arsenic!”

Dearest Britney: , Impersonator Extraordinaire, Queen of Snark and Narrator of the Realm, First of Her Name, Before Gabby Windey, there was Stassi Schroeder, and before all of them was BB12 breakout star of commentary Britney Haynes. This was the first season of Big Brother I ever watched, and Britney was the literal ROI queen for how that tiny nibble of reality TV turned into hundreds of hours of me watching it. Her colorful and appropriately judgement-filled descriptions of house happenings injected actual sanity into the madness.

Part of, at least, my enjoyment reality tv, especially ones that span longer than a quarter at university, is just how unaware the big brother bubble of the house becomes. The psychologist in me understands that the brain is fully capable of creating a new version of normalcy where and a room en suite bathroom is worth new oohs and ahhs each week. Thank goodness for Britney, reminding us through her well-timed asides just how fucking utterly bizzare and meaningless everything was outside of the sound set. Her snark broke the bit and the show was better, sharper, and infinitely more enjoyable because of it.

As a fellow face-hides-nothing queen, watching Britney react was often funnier than whatever was actually happening. And for that, I thank her. For finally and bravely declaring—on behalf of us all—THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT’S IN THE DAMN HOH ROOM!!!

Cookie | Empire Seasons 1-6

Memorable Quote: “God, please do not withhold your blessings, even from ho’s that hire skunks to spy on me.“

Cookie truly gave Empire its flavor and thank GOD it wasn’t sweet. She was the neck, the head, the fists, and the brain, all wrapped up in one unstoppable and fur-caoted force. The fear she struck specifically in men? Truly inspirational and a pleasure to witness.

Cookie was a reckoning and snatched power right out of the hands of men who thought they could erase her contributions with a thank you and forced prison time. She kept her designer heels on her enemies’ beck and was the blueprint for ~I THINK THE FUCK NOT~.

Heavy on the DEMANDING respect, Cookie relentlessly defended her stake in the patriarchal empire that had the audacity to try and shut her out of what she built. She was a walking reminder that there’s no need to play nice when you’re fighting for what’s already yours.

And a formal petition to bring boo boo kitty back into the lexicon of the 2020s. It’s what we deserve..

Olivia | Fictional Pig

Memorable Quote: “[Olivia] is very good at wearing people out.” – Ian Falconer, author of the iconic early 2000s Olivia picture book series

Olivia!!! My weird queen! My special-interest icon! The undisputed ruler of independent play and a legend in wearing out her parents, Olivia is “too much,” and that’s exactly what makes her incredible.

Olivia arrived in my bookshelf at age 8 in all her eccentric, chaotic, and wildly creative glory. Olivia, like all 2000s girl icons, also invites a philosophical reflection on the nature of existence:

“Olivia is “very good at wearing people out… even wears herself out,” inviting a dialogue on finding the right balance between idleness and action, activity versus reflection in discovery and innovation.” (Falconer, The Prindle Institute). Powerful reflections to unpack with your local elementary schooler.

It’s also a reminder that being a cool, interesting person starts with doing cool, interesting shit—and how beautiful that is when it’s encouraged from childhood. Olivia was embraced in all her weirdness, sometimes celebrated, sometimes appropriately ignored, but always left to her own devices just enough to become iconic.

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